another part of mourning, an enduring part of mourning:

the loss of the “institutional knowledge” of you that they alone held, documented and archived;

when

a life-long, childhood or early adulthood friend

a beloved mother, or grandmother, or father,

a harmonious sibling, a close cousin

a long-time lover,

a partner in a long marriage, officiated — or not

a child whom you birthed or raised and who may have also birthed or raised you, have mercy.

when, those relationships become one-sided through death — or other endings,

not only are they gone,

but they carry a distinct map of you — a geomorphology of you, your life, your shared lives, over the years, over the decades

with them

so that you will never fully recall or know
that historical topography of yourself
again

that, is yet another other quiet, yet devastating part of grief:

the “you” that is missing, that is forever lost

— that has also gone away,

with them

so,

may we all rest, or exist, with peace.