coming into full being as a crone, one thing i have learned — and practice — is to not suppress my emotions or thoughts

whether in private, shared, or public space

but to feel or express them right then (with very rare exceptions) —

and to NOT control “my smiles and cries”

i spend a significant amount of time solo —largely, by choice,

so, when I feel immense grief or joy, or experience beauty or pain, humor or outrage,

i let my tears
or my teeth
or my uvula
or my tongue

or

my voice

be in the moment,

and this often manifests even if i am in a public space

i have become as uninhibited and honest — as a young child,

or — as someone on their death bed.

i no longer observe “decorum” that requires that i should actively suppress my “smiles and cries” in order to appear composed or ‘sane’ for the benefit of appearances, respectability, or comfortability — or even just to present as “together” to my own Self,

there is no reason to keep my cards close to my breast — now;

there is no longer any need or desire to play or front; i am no longer seeking acceptance, assimilation, promotion, an upper-hand or power; and there is no time left for games, half-truths, omissions, or lies

because this World is insanely profane — and so very violent, — and heartbreaking,

but also, sometimes, breathtakingly beautiful,

— and it is also too temporary or too long — depending on the day, or year or decade or century,

and i am a fully human being, just

being

and it makes me wonder, if
every so-called ‘crazy’ person
talking, shouting, wailing, raging or laughing out loud to themselves — or to strangers
in the streets
began in just this very way.

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