Month: September 2023

sound stage

On By ©️K.T. 2025In PoemLeave a comment

she lacks an authorial voice
her words written and spoken
a stream of
predictive text, parroted speech
her critical and narrative content indistinguishable from AI
except AI is more
nuanced, intuitive,
less clichéd, less shrill, wittier /

stuck in a closed circuit, which she proudly calls her “circle”

and what he euphemistically calls “the perimeter”

regurgitation is their dialect //

he parlayed

to be her favorite toy, tethered to her scratching post, center stage

and boy, does she scratch and meow, and meow and scratch, always coughin’ up a whollotta nuthin’

she’s amplified her own acoustics over his

and he doesn’t recognize his own voice or hear his own thoughts, anymore ///

alone only at church and in the shower

he confesses, prays aloud
for his own deafness
or for the return of her disinterest — an ironic twist ////

Continue reading “sound stage” →

Harvest Moon, northern hemisphere, 2023

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Death, dying, Lament, Life, Life and Death, liminal, limineen, moon, Poem, poetry, threshold, Womenfolk, WordsLeave a comment

i missed the rise of the
Full Moon last night,
preoccupied in thought
hands busy in work

she missed the rise of the
Full Moon last night
preoccupied in pain
early to bed, early to bed-ridden

i say, i will witness Her tonight
waning only slightly, gibbous,
99, 98 percent
or next month,
with confidence, and guilt

i say, she won’t witness Her tonight,
or next month, or any phase
Zero percent
wondering if she ever considered the Moon,
with confidence, and guilt

the word “full” lingers on beyond the Moon’s illumination
— as relative,
in these lives of ours

Continue reading “Harvest Moon, northern hemisphere, 2023” →

popular!

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Beauty, Beauty Industry, Capitalism, Crone, Crone Consciousness, Cronehood, Elphaba, Estrangement, Hylic, Pneumatic, Poem, poemo, poetry, Psychic, Sacred Feminine, Wicked, witch, witchery, WomenfolkLeave a comment

the path of the hylic

she had always prized
quantity over quality
with both people and money
never interrogating
the integrity or provenance of either

never asking the hard questions of herself

nor pursuing the big ones,

now,

she’s left only with errant glitter,

an impotent wand,

a cortège of pink fools,

her plated crown of paste jewels, atop her head, askew

you see, i knew that was all distraction, decoy, masked unconfidence

home, is within your Self

so, i chose to be [come] “Wicked”,

i wear my gold

in my bones,

in my blood.

Continue reading “popular!” →

art appreciation: thresholds

On By ©️K.T. 2025In art, artists, Crone Consciousness, Death, dying, Finnish, Gnosis, Gnostic, Hospice, Jung, Jungian, kin, Life and Death, liminal, liminality, limineen, spirits, the old gods, threshold, TransistionLeave a comment

first in a series

The Entrance Gate on the far bank of The River Tuoni according to the Kalevala and as depicted by Finnish artist Hugo Simberg

THE ENTRANCE TO TUONELA, 1898,
oil on canvas
Hugo Simberg, 1873-1917
Finland

Tuonela

In this piece, which is an interpretation of one of many universal myths which impart the water crossing and trek we all are to embark upon after death,

most of the departed climb up the steep, barren embankment and enter the tunnel individually, while a child and a dog are tenderly escorted — led by the hand or carried by chthonic monks into the tunnel leading to the

Underworld

the tunnel appears under geological strata — presumably the surface of Earth, with blue sky and forest in background above it

interestingly, the artist’s limited use of perspective also allows the sky and forest to be viewed potentially as the Great Beyond itself — as a Northern or Alpine “paradise,” a Valhalla, beyond the sojourn in and through the tunnel

a high, solid, wooden fence bisects the river, embankment and tunnel and prevents arrivals from observing the exiting monks — only one-way vision and traffic for the dead

and while the monks do not cast shadows, the human figures continue to be accompanied by their shadows; for those who subscribe to Jungian analytical psychology or gnostic texts, the physical shadow depicted may be interpreted symbolically as the anima/animus of the person — which would ultimately disappear during the tunnel upon the full reintegration of the Self/Soul/Spirit

through re-unification with one’s divine twin (which is sometimes also called the cosmic/celestial twin or daimon) after having been separated during human incarnation and birth.

author’s note: 

i often and prefer to call the underworld aka afterlife “The Great Wide Open of the All” — which in my liminal gleanings is a supremely contented blackness of universal consciousness, devoid of thought or sensation — a perfected existence in the dark cosmic fabric of nothingness, 

there may be levels in the afterlife which may manifest our own personal imaginal constructs of paradise — far beyond what our limited sensory perception and experiences of life on Earth are - such as, an Alpine Paradise upon emerging from the tunnel - 

i know full well the breathtaking beauty and feeling upon exiting a scary and lengthy mountain tunnel where my heart and eyes are stunned by a grand vista of forest, peaks and sky — from my many road trips in the Western U.S.

yet, i truly prefer the former — when i die, i want to rest for all eternity — although with just one desire, one sensation: warmth.
Continue reading “art appreciation: thresholds” →

conspiracy to kill the creator

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Gnosis, Gnostic, Kenoma, liminal, liminality, limineen, Poem, poetryLeave a comment

she sips a glass
of wine
and admits, agrees
she too, doesn’t want to be

on this prison planet
under these archons,
guided and insulated by sadistic angels,
both, in servitude to the demiurge

no escaping it, Them

even in Bucolia

she’s still plagued by the 24-hour news cycle,
contemplation that often veers off into nihilism,

and, by bouts of suicidal ideation
— but to go back around, back to another false birth in this Samsara, to start over? — no thanks //

perhaps crying in the wilderness, then.

where is that, exactly?
the mountains, buttes and canyons also betray us — those ancient Watchers, the petroglyphs warned us of
— and of shapeshifters cloaked in feathers, fur and scales ///

she knows she can’t save her Self, preserve her Pneuma and reunite with her Daimon,
solely with an Earth-based practice of resistance

and, so begins the invocation, the genesis of her mission,

she supposes the element of surprise may be compromised by Their so-called omniscience

but who knows – what They actually know

even gods have blindspots
even gods sleep and fuck — or mindlessly scroll and binge

we, Their creation, create Their content, after all

yes.

she will go to Them

traversing the liminal terrain

to find and kill Them in their confident repose in the Kenoma

“The crew compartment’s breaking up”

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Climate Acceptance, Climate Chaos, Climate Collapse, Crone Consciousness, Earth hospice, Earthling, earthlings, ecocide, exposition, Funerary, Hospice, Lament, Lamentations, Life and Death, music, planetary hospice, Song, Songs, Space Shuttle ColumbiaLeave a comment

John Roderick wrote the above line and repeats it seven times(!) in his song, “The Commander Thinks Aloud”— about the Space Shuttle Columbia Disaster that happened February 1, 2003

and, if I’m not careful, I will start to cry during the first verse


The Commander Thinks Aloud

Boys and girls in cars
Dogs and birds on lawns
From here I can touch the sun


Put your jackets on
I feel we're being born
The Tropic of Capricorn is below


We stall above the pole
Still your face is young
As we feel our weight return


A trail of shooting stars
The horses call the storm
Because the air contains the Charge


The radio is on
And Houston knows the score
Can you feel it, we're almost home

The crew compartment's breaking up
The crew compartment's breaking up
The crew compartment's breaking up
The crew compartment's breaking up
(This is all I wanted to bring home)

The crew compartment's breaking up
(This is all I wanted to bring home)

The crew compartment's breaking up
(This is all I wanted to bring home)

The crew compartment's breaking up
This is all I wanted to bring home to you

Songwriter: John Roderick, The Long Winters


The Commander Thinks Aloud lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Rough Trade Publishing

this song — since the very first time i (belatedly) heard and learned about it on the Song Exploder podcast in 2016 — became an instant melancholic metaphor-lamentation for me, even while retaining it’s very visceral and intended meaning —

at first, for the climate chaos we face on our communal spaceship — Spaceship Earth,

as in, “hey, do you realize we’re floating in space?” — then, why are we [deliberately] destroying the crew compartment?

and

for our lives — for the simplicity that is both stolen and lost

in the daily struggle — of and against exploitation, repression and oppression; in the daily drama of our dis/mis/mal contentment; in the daily, unnecessary grasping, striving, amassing and hoarding — whether for – or of, wealth, land, power, influence, reputation, career, fame, control or privilege —

or, in orbiting the Earth in a shuttle or space station or landing on the Moon in a spacecraft — when we could’ve just been human beings caretaking of this Eden and of each other.

and personally,

Continue reading ““The crew compartment’s breaking up”” →

Earthling in Planetary Hospice: the 9/11 closure of North American airspace: climate scientists observe the great Catch-22 — the Aerosol [De]Masking Effect

On By ©️K.T. 2025In 9/11, Aerosol Demasking, Aerosol Masking Effect, Capitalism, Climate Acceptance, Climate Chaos, Climate Collapse, Earth hospice, Earthling, earthlings, Global Dimming, planetary hospice, September 11thLeave a comment

“To deliberately believe in lies while knowing they are false.”

The US accounts for more than a third of the expansion of global oil and gas production planned by mid-century, despite its claims of climate leadership, research has found.

Canada and Russia have the next biggest expansion plans, calculated based on how much carbon dioxide is likely to be produced from new developments, followed by Iran, China and Brazil. The United Arab Emirates, which is to host the annual UN climate summit this year, Cop28 in Dubai in November, is seventh on the list.

Fiona Harvey, Environment Editor, The Guardian, September 12, 2023

Damned² :

Damned if we do; damned even faster if we stop.

the grounding and ground-stoppage of aircraft and closure of US airspace on September 11, 2001

The thin wisps of condensation that trail jet airliners have a significant influence on the climate, according to scientists who studied U.S. skies during a rare interruption in national air traffic after the September 11 terrorist attacks.

Richard Stenger for CNN, August 8, 2002

only the immediate cessation of industrial
civilization could’ve saved us – 50, 80 or more years ago, that is /

but now, we are dependent on industrial civilization for everything including the Catch-22 conundrum of the Aerosol Masking Effect aka “global dimming” //

the “aerosol masking effect” where pollutant aerosols emitted into Earth’s atmosphere by human industrial activity reflect the Sun’s heat and mitigate the rise in global average temperature and artificially “cool” the planet —

but here’s the rub: as we draw down industrial activity – with falsely fantastical greener energy alternatives and “cleaner” industrial operations, we lose that artificial benefit and global temperatures will rise even more and faster because of the opposite effects of global brightening or demasking (colloquially known as: The McPherson Paradox for Prof. Guy McPherson, guymcpherson.com) ///

if the World’s population begins to understand that the aerosol and particulate pollution from some of the worst industries and practices — those that also emit the greenhouse gases that cause global heating, fuel climate chaos and drive ecological destruction and collapse — is also simultaneously and artificially cooling the planet — keeping global temperatures lower than what they actually would be

— and that the warming effects of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere last centuries or decades longer than the near instantaneous effects of aerosol demasking, 

Changes to our atmosphere associated with reactive gases (gases that undergo chemical reactions) like ozone and ozone-forming chemicals like nitrous oxides, are relatively short-lived. Carbon dioxide is a different animal, however. Once it’s added to the atmosphere, it hangs around, for a long time: between 300 to 1,000 years. Thus, as humans change the atmosphere by emitting carbon dioxide, those changes will endure on the timescale of many human lives.

Alan Buis, “The Atmosphere: Getting a Handle on Carbon Dioxide”, NASA Jet Propulsion Lab

maybe then, they will realize — there is no time for hope — only hospice.

Continue reading “Earthling in Planetary Hospice: the 9/11 closure of North American airspace: climate scientists observe the great Catch-22 — the Aerosol [De]Masking Effect” →

monarch chrysalis: endogenous alchemy

On By ©️K.T. 2025In PoemLeave a comment
I am witness to and aspirant of alchemy
living alchemy:
imaginal cells metamorphose en pupa
Monarch [Danaus plexippus] chrysalis on plantain lily [Hosta plantiginea] stem bract.
"Crave wisdom of God, the sense to understand,

Else meddle not herewith, nor take it in hand.

For it will cost thee much wordly wealth;

But trust not to other, but do it thyself.

Learn, therefore, first to cleanse, purify and sublime,

To dissolve, congeal, distill and, sometime

To conjoin and separate, and how to do all,

That when you think to rise, thou do not fall,

Trust to thyself and not to another;

I can say no more to thee if thou were my brother." 

- Simon Forman 1597
“alchemy exists to transform mortals from a state of suffering to enlightenment”

endogenous alchemy is the only possible panacea for humanity — as individuals, as families, as communities, as a civilization — and for all we have wrought upon our fellow non-human Earthlings and upon Earth, herself

no matter what situations or circumstance we face, we have an escape route: transforming our own mind.

– S. Rinpoche
Continue reading “monarch chrysalis: endogenous alchemy” →

dream: morning of 9.2.2023

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Alchemy, Death, dream analysis, dream interpretation, dreaming, dreams, Jung, Jungian, Mother, postpartum, Rebirth, Reincarnation, vivid dreams, WomenfolkLeave a comment

i had a baby —
i kept forgetting to completely nurse him
he would latch and suckle, but because i was distracted, i would never fully feed him, and he was malnourished, but this sweet baby never cried / nor complained
he was happy and content with what i gave him, smiling always at me
but then
i lost/misplaced him somewhere
they/all assumed he had been taken/abducted
but i felt sure i had just misplaced him /
it seemed we looked everywhere in and around our home
and the second time searching the house,
i found him in the refrigerator on the top shelf
in the back
his white skin and pastel clothing blending in with the milk and pale juice jugs
he was there on that shelf all along

i had apparently placed him in there with the milk — perhaps so he could eat/

he had died in there
from asphyxiation
it was an accident,
and i understood that
i was unwell, forgetful, incompetent and losing my mind [although in my dream i don’t know the exact concepts of postpartum or postpartum psychosis]

everyone else does not understand that it was absolutely an innocent act, a tragic accident
they are disgusted with me, violently angry with me and
want me to be punished, arrested, sentenced to prison or maybe put to death
for accidentally forgetting my baby, for misplacing and inadvertently killing my baby — in the refrigerator

Continue reading “dream: morning of 9.2.2023” →

premeditated mourning

On By ©️K.T. 2025In cancer, Death, dreaming, dreams, dying, Hospice, Life and Death, Poem, poetryLeave a comment

i am in premeditative mourning

desperate to get it
over and done with
before she’s dead

i choke on the dream scene, the prognosis and the grand scheme / ever-present in my throat /
and weep
then, a memory of us wedges in
i cry a smile, and smile a cry

i think
this, is all, too much
i can’t do this.

she is the one doing it
with her dignity, her calm, her reserve, she’s had too much practice, she’s well-traveled on this terrain

these consecutive life sentences, handed out

i am in retroactive outrage
over these injured bodies, injured, not failing,
precision is imperative /
i am in proactive rage
against these failing systems within this failed system in this injured, not failing, closed system /
precision is imperative

does anyone else want to know
the cause/s of death/s
these expendable, collateral clusters — of families, neighborhoods, workers, of an implausible deniability
one after another at four, five or six decades — dead

did he bring home the syndrome
in silica tucked in the creases
of his work clothes
of his brow,
he built the skyline! the Hancock even
my god, did he carry it in his semen

or was it the apartment on wabansia?
on karlov? on keystone?
all zoned mixed-use residential-commercial-industrial — industrial!
when they all walked from home
to work at the factory down the block,
on the next block, or across the alley
a metal plater
a powder coater
a dry-cleaner
tool and die

i don’t want these precognitions anymore!
let me dream her as a grandmother
with her grandchildren, all, all pristine!

i know the outcome
of walking forward in waking fantasy, in empty, unheard prayer, instead of trusting the retrograde revelations of my sleep

Continue reading “premeditated mourning” →