Category: Death

Destroyers of World

On By ©️K.T. 2025In abrupt climate change, anthropocene, Climate Chaos, Climate Collapse, Death, Earth hospice, Earthling, earthlings, ecocide, film, Near Term Human Extinction, Nuclear Weapons, Palestine, planetary hospice, runaway greenhouse effect, Sixth Mass Extinction, thresholdLeave a comment

last evening, i finally finished watching the film “Oppenheimer” — a biographical film centered primarily on two forces of physics:

J. Robert Oppenheimer and the Atomic Bomb

in the film, the cohort of physicists involved in the development of the atomic bomb postulated that the force and heat of the nuclear explosion could trigger a runaway atomic chain reaction by igniting atmospheric nitrogen —- thus, engulfing and destroying the entire planet — their confident mathematical conclusion: “near zero” — but not absolutely zero;

that infinitesimal quantum potential was apparently played to over-dramatic effect for the film — curious about the validity of this apocalyptic concern, i learned that this was never more than a scenario that required elimination in early mathematical and scientific due diligence;

still, the possibility instantly struck me as a parallel for the runaway greenhouse effect — where the greenhouse gas concentrations in Earth’s atmosphere trigger feedback loops that indeed ignite and fuel further feedback loops — causing abrupt climate change, planetary inhabitability and then mass extinction — where no adaptation, mitigation or survival is possible and plants, animals and humans die en masse —

conditions of which, we are on the cusp right now — an anthropogenic-caused-and-accelerated global temperature event horizon that is postulated as a very real probability by climate scientists and evolutionary/conservation biologists across the globe even as it’s played out as something that could occur over the next centuries or millennia rather than in this or the next decade or two —

yet, that more-than-zero-possibility scenario was detailed in a January 2024 article in Popular Mechanics based on a published model in the journal Astronomy and Astrophysics

i write today to pay my belated respects and sympathies and to process my retroactive and present grief and rage:

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“wolf”

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Anubis, Death, Justice, Lajuana Lampkins, Life and Death, Poem, poetry, the old godsLeave a comment
for the One and Only

Lajuana Lampkins

March 29, 1957 ~ February 26, 2025

May Allah grant her Jannah

& for All the Mothers whose children were — and will be murdered by the State — domestic or foreign, & for All Mothers who have lost — and will lose their children to the brutal and carceral machinations and institutions of the State
Weighing of the Heart | Book of the Dead
Thoth and Anubis weigh the candidate’s heart against the feather of Ma’at while Ammit hungrily awaits the judgment.
Inside Ancient Egypt exhibit,
Field Museum of Natural History,
Chicago, January 2013
photo: by author

she cries “wolf!” so often
that it becomes tempting to ignore

yet the wolves were always nearby,
stalking, steady clawing at her door

there’s a Wolf curled up at her feet now,
but he’s not of the pack of violent beasts,

you see, this Wolf is not a hungried one,
and He does not want her for his feast

Anubis is the Wolf’s name,
and He waits to gently weigh her Heart

on the Golden Scales of Justice
He’s balanced with a badge and service glock,

these reparations just for her, and Mothers like her,
in lieu of the Feather of Ma’at

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the deception of the Sun

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Death, demiurge, earthlings, Existence, Genocide, grief, Poem, poetry, Samsara, Sun, Sunrise, Sunset, Tree of Knowledge, WarLeave a comment

the Sun just keeps on shining
setting and rising,
setting and rising
while
the People
of Palestine,
of Congo,
are genocided

the deception of the “life-bringer” Sun on yet another day of genocides

did you know that Yaldaboath only feigned dismay
when Cain blew his own brother away;
then He later told Abraham to kill his own son,
just to prove that he was obsessed enough

you know, that dear Jesus
in heaven comfortably stayed
all throughout the Trans-Atlantic slave trade,

and that Allah had no problems with the Caliphates
and The One True God was all about The Crusades

and that Creator ignored the prayers and the pleas
of First Peoples slaughtered by steel,
starvation, and European disease

and that Yahweh was pre-occupied during the Holocaust
busy planning and inciting the Palestinians’ cruel loss

from Auschwitz to Al-Shifa,
He so craves burnt offerings
His global portfolio — built solely on dead things

He created the Sun to grow His tainted Seeds
Horror by daylight,
His Grand Design? — what a fucking death scheme

Auden once begged to “dismantle the Sun”
for the loss of his own be-loved one

but Hark!

for the loss of our collective soul,
dismantlement’s just not good enough,
leave Him no parts, no plans
to re-build and restart!

Extinguish His goddamn Sun!

and forever, and evermore,

Let there only be Dark!

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“Forever You”: an ode to friendship at the horizon of loss

On By ©️K.T. 2025In childhood, Death, friends, friendship, Gold, illuminated text, Lajuana Lampkins, Life and Death, Ode, Poem, poet, poetry, Roses, Terminal IllnessLeave a comment
gifted handwritten poem art from one of my newest and dearest friends, Lajuana Lampkins
as my longest and dearest friend,
Jill Johnston Hayes
neared death

an illuminated scroll
drawn on gold metallic cardstock
with pen, marker, paint and crayon
Lajuana Lampkins
September 2023
FOREVER “you”… 
My childhood friend, and through the years, we've grown together, shared joy and tears, were bonded like the day and night, our hearts forever will unite, you've given me, a chance to be, a friend forever, most definitely, I am forever, there is no end, you'll always be, my most best friend, each day and night, I keep you near, always know, that I am here. Thank you for, the love you've shared, nothing else can compare, So much we've grown, and been all through, forever is forever you. 

Poem by Lajuana Lampkins
©️copyright Lajuana Lampkins
September 2023
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the mourning cloak

On By ©️K.T. 2025In butterfiles, Crone, Crone Consciousness, Death, Funerary, grief, Lament, Lamentations, liminal, liminality, mourning, Poem, poet, poetry, spirit, Spiritive, spirits, thresholdLeave a comment

near invisible,

imagine silk organza, chameleoned

peach-pink colored, when i Am naked,

the color of water as i bathe.

sky blue, golden, sherbet, grayed or midnight black,

when i Am outside

ever-shifting with the time of day and weather,

once, even green,

as i knelt down in the cold grass

while diaphanous to all the unobservant

i Am dressed in this cloak of mourning

and the hem is lined with lead

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o holy night

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Death, liminal, liminality, Magic Hour, Poem, poetryLeave a comment

the golden light
stole her attention, as per
halted her forward motion, as per
the Sun’s set
would be the first
without Her, earthside
she took some photos, as per,

/but also, to remember that very first one/

she then acknowledged
that the Sun, Moon and Stars
herald no one’s birth, announce no one’s death
and perhaps that’s why
the Star of Bethlehem
and a midday eclipse

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the first 24 hours of loss

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Death, grief, liminal, liminality, mourning, Poem, poetry, sleepLeave a comment

the first night, the long night
the first sleep
sobbing or wailing into oblivion
eyes forced shut by swollen lids
eventually the mammalian body
succumbs to the exhaustion
from the metabolic expenditure of emotional agony and adrenaline

the next morning
the first sweet seconds of confusion of time and place
as the tender light or familiar sounds of daybreak
breach the senses
a suspension of forgetting
the devastation of yesterday

those must be the most ephemeral moments
in human consciousness

then a stirring
a shifting in bed
to adjust position
breaks the magic of sleep

the anvil of non-specific grief returns to the chest
the coils of hopelessness entwine the limbs

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the last meal of a woman

On By ©️K.T. 2025In cancer, Death, dying, exposition, Hospice, Life, Life and Death, liminal, liminality, Narrative, Poem, poetry, thresholdLeave a comment

the last meal that She cooked for herself

was in the late afternoon of the 18th of September the Year of Our Hearts, 2023

that same evening
She would spend the last night together alone with her only child, her son, in Their house on Adams Street

he had already stopped at Chik-fil-A
– or Quesabroso? for his dinner

he, sixteen forever, for Her, not even licensed for a year yet

She thought, then said aloud to him

“pasta. i want some pasta.”

and so She very slowly set about

choosing saucepans, boiling water,
sautéing a little ground beef with a bit of diced onion, and minced garlic from a giant container from Costco,
adding in a half jar of Rao’s Original, some dried herbs — nothing too spicy or fancy now,
cooking her favorite gluten-free rigatoni,

or was it penne, mostaccioli?

She ate, rinsed the pots, loaded and ran the dishwasher, put the combined leftovers in her fridge

and at dinner time the very next day,

She told her oldest and dearest friend about it

her friend listened, and watched Her plate, reheat, and sit down to eat those leftovers — She wanting to do all that for Herself, still

She taking the smallest and most intentional bites possible,

every delicate swallow and cough amplified in the too-big-for-two, unusually quiet house, the parade of Her friends and visitors gone until tomorrow

“i’m not supposed to drink with these meds, but lemme have just one lil’ sip of your wine”

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Harvest Moon, northern hemisphere, 2023

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Death, dying, Lament, Life, Life and Death, liminal, limineen, moon, Poem, poetry, threshold, Womenfolk, WordsLeave a comment

i missed the rise of the
Full Moon last night,
preoccupied in thought
hands busy in work

she missed the rise of the
Full Moon last night
preoccupied in pain
early to bed, early to bed-ridden

i say, i will witness Her tonight
waning only slightly, gibbous,
99, 98 percent
or next month,
with confidence, and guilt

i say, she won’t witness Her tonight,
or next month, or any phase
Zero percent
wondering if she ever considered the Moon,
with confidence, and guilt

the word “full” lingers on beyond the Moon’s illumination
— as relative,
in these lives of ours

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art appreciation: thresholds

On By ©️K.T. 2025In art, artists, Crone Consciousness, Death, dying, Finnish, Gnosis, Gnostic, Hospice, Jung, Jungian, kin, Life and Death, liminal, liminality, limineen, spirits, the old gods, threshold, TransistionLeave a comment

first in a series

The Entrance Gate on the far bank of The River Tuoni according to the Kalevala and as depicted by Finnish artist Hugo Simberg

THE ENTRANCE TO TUONELA, 1898,
oil on canvas
Hugo Simberg, 1873-1917
Finland

Tuonela

In this piece, which is an interpretation of one of many universal myths which impart the water crossing and trek we all are to embark upon after death,

most of the departed climb up the steep, barren embankment and enter the tunnel individually, while a child and a dog are tenderly escorted — led by the hand or carried by chthonic monks into the tunnel leading to the

Underworld

the tunnel appears under geological strata — presumably the surface of Earth, with blue sky and forest in background above it

interestingly, the artist’s limited use of perspective also allows the sky and forest to be viewed potentially as the Great Beyond itself — as a Northern or Alpine “paradise,” a Valhalla, beyond the sojourn in and through the tunnel

a high, solid, wooden fence bisects the river, embankment and tunnel and prevents arrivals from observing the exiting monks — only one-way vision and traffic for the dead

and while the monks do not cast shadows, the human figures continue to be accompanied by their shadows; for those who subscribe to Jungian analytical psychology or gnostic texts, the physical shadow depicted may be interpreted symbolically as the anima/animus of the person — which would ultimately disappear during the tunnel upon the full reintegration of the Self/Soul/Spirit

through re-unification with one’s divine twin (which is sometimes also called the cosmic/celestial twin or daimon) after having been separated during human incarnation and birth.

author’s note: 

i often and prefer to call the underworld aka afterlife “The Great Wide Open of the All” — which in my liminal gleanings is a supremely contented blackness of universal consciousness, devoid of thought or sensation — a perfected existence in the dark cosmic fabric of nothingness, 

there may be levels in the afterlife which may manifest our own personal imaginal constructs of paradise — far beyond what our limited sensory perception and experiences of life on Earth are - such as, an Alpine Paradise upon emerging from the tunnel - 

i know full well the breathtaking beauty and feeling upon exiting a scary and lengthy mountain tunnel where my heart and eyes are stunned by a grand vista of forest, peaks and sky — from my many road trips in the Western U.S.

yet, i truly prefer the former — when i die, i want to rest for all eternity — although with just one desire, one sensation: warmth.
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dream: morning of 9.2.2023

On By ©️K.T. 2025In Alchemy, Death, dream analysis, dream interpretation, dreaming, dreams, Jung, Jungian, Mother, postpartum, Rebirth, Reincarnation, vivid dreams, WomenfolkLeave a comment

i had a baby —
i kept forgetting to completely nurse him
he would latch and suckle, but because i was distracted, i would never fully feed him, and he was malnourished, but this sweet baby never cried / nor complained
he was happy and content with what i gave him, smiling always at me
but then
i lost/misplaced him somewhere
they/all assumed he had been taken/abducted
but i felt sure i had just misplaced him /
it seemed we looked everywhere in and around our home
and the second time searching the house,
i found him in the refrigerator on the top shelf
in the back
his white skin and pastel clothing blending in with the milk and pale juice jugs
he was there on that shelf all along

i had apparently placed him in there with the milk — perhaps so he could eat/

he had died in there
from asphyxiation
it was an accident,
and i understood that
i was unwell, forgetful, incompetent and losing my mind [although in my dream i don’t know the exact concepts of postpartum or postpartum psychosis]

everyone else does not understand that it was absolutely an innocent act, a tragic accident
they are disgusted with me, violently angry with me and
want me to be punished, arrested, sentenced to prison or maybe put to death
for accidentally forgetting my baby, for misplacing and inadvertently killing my baby — in the refrigerator

Continue reading “dream: morning of 9.2.2023” →

premeditated mourning

On By ©️K.T. 2025In cancer, Death, dreaming, dreams, dying, Hospice, Life and Death, Poem, poetryLeave a comment

i am in premeditative mourning

desperate to get it
over and done with
before she’s dead

i choke on the dream scene, the prognosis and the grand scheme / ever-present in my throat /
and weep
then, a memory of us wedges in
i cry a smile, and smile a cry

i think
this, is all, too much
i can’t do this.

she is the one doing it
with her dignity, her calm, her reserve, she’s had too much practice, she’s well-traveled on this terrain

these consecutive life sentences, handed out

i am in retroactive outrage
over these injured bodies, injured, not failing,
precision is imperative /
i am in proactive rage
against these failing systems within this failed system in this injured, not failing, closed system /
precision is imperative

does anyone else want to know
the cause/s of death/s
these expendable, collateral clusters — of families, neighborhoods, workers, of an implausible deniability
one after another at four, five or six decades — dead

did he bring home the syndrome
in silica tucked in the creases
of his work clothes
of his brow,
he built the skyline! the Hancock even
my god, did he carry it in his semen

or was it the apartment on wabansia?
on karlov? on keystone?
all zoned mixed-use residential-commercial-industrial — industrial!
when they all walked from home
to work at the factory down the block,
on the next block, or across the alley
a metal plater
a powder coater
a dry-cleaner
tool and die

i don’t want these precognitions anymore!
let me dream her as a grandmother
with her grandchildren, all, all pristine!

i know the outcome
of walking forward in waking fantasy, in empty, unheard prayer, instead of trusting the retrograde revelations of my sleep

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